Loneliness traces the evolution of these tandem forces, showing how, for our primitive ancestors, survival depended not on greater brawn but on greater commitments to each other. Serving as a prompt to repair frayed social bonds, the pain of loneliness engendered a fear response so powerfully disruptive that even now, millions of years later, a persistent sense of rejection or isolation can impair DNA transcription in our immune cells. This disruption also impairs our ability to read social signals and exercise social skills, as well as limits our ability to internally regulate our emotions--all of which can combine to trap us in self-defeating behaviors that reinforce the very isolation and rejection that we dread.
Loneliness shows us how to overcome this feedback loop to achieve better health and greater happiness. As individuals and as a society, we have everything to gain, and everything to lose, in how well or how poorly we manage our need for social bonds.