So, back then, more than a few of these, these "newspapers," ran a column called "This Old Spouse." Penned by a seriously sedentary middle-aged frustrated novelist and husband/father of two, "TOS" was what you would call mini-syndicated in more than a few community newspapers, namely small ones with not much else going on, such as the Burleson Star, Oak Hill Gazette, Hill Country News, Leander Leader, and occasionally the back section of the Bartlesville Auto Trader.

This column, mostly about daily living with an overfunctioning wife and two precocious daughters, gained quite a following. And when each and every newspaper that faithfully carried "TOS" died a slow and arduous death, the magical column expired with them. And there was a great hue and cry (lots of desperate hueing) from the faithful followers. All seven of them.

So, the column's mastermind, Roger White, a magazine editor and chronic complainer by trade, teamed with his artist pal and mediocre bass player Steve Willgren. If he played bass guitar like he paints, Steve would be Bill Wyman now, but that's another story.

So here, then, are about 53 of the finest examples of a gas-addled man's desperate attempts at humor and immortality-give or take. This is the only comprehensive collection of "This Old Spouse" you'll ever find. Thank God, they said.

Well, there are approximately 117 columns we couldn't fit into this publication. So there may be Volumes II and III eventually. You've been warned. If you're a true glutton, you can find more at oldspouse.wordpress.com. Feel free to Venmo the author whatever you deem appropriate.