This is my story, from running and foolishly thinking I was hiding from God and my purpose for several decades to humility and surrender, sharing the trip-ups I encountered on the way, from the disgust, from the church's lack of transparency that allows the enemy (Satan) to operate a successful revolving door, with the illusion of realness that the world offers to the wiles of tag team spirits and strongmen-grief and disappointment to bitterness and anger to depression and suicide, even hatred toward God.