We all negotiate. Put more accurately, we are always negotiating. There is always something we want that we do not have. There is always something we have that others want. Those human transactions are very human. The process of bartering, whether it be in billion-dollar transactions or over the use of the family car, is a deeply human activity. But like many soft skills, we don't teach it. We consider it something that we have to just learn by doing it. And it is true that trial and error is the basic teacher of negotiation.

But it doesn't have to be that way. Negotiation is a social activity that involves disciplines like language, observation, reaction, listening, speaking, storytelling, humor, and sensing. The number one thing you bring to every negotiation is you. This book helps you understand how these various behaviors and disciplines come to play and therefore how you can become a better negotiator. The book helps you develop the mindset and tools to become a great negotiator for yourself and for others.

Classical teaching on negotiation teaches separating the people from the problem. But the people are often the problem and the key to accomplishing your goals and theirs. We express our desires as "I want this or that." As a result, we are always talking about the "what." As people, as humans, we often don't even really know what we want. This book teaches you to get behind your "what" and theirs. To accomplish this, you need to understand the "why" not just the "what." It is the "why" that will help you understand the "what" and adjust it accordingly.

If you think you will get what you want by just being tough and demanding, this book isn't for you. If you want to succeed in dealing with those people or want to develop a negotiation style where you get what you want and people want to deal with you again and again, then this book is for you. The author draws upon principles of martial arts (designed around dealing with more powerful opponents) to help develop your understanding of negotiations.

In a battle of water and stone, water wins.