Gordy Beck wants to deal his drug-laced ice cream to children in peace, but standing in his way are rival confection dealers and gangs who want a piece of the action. His brother, Quinton, works for the Sno-Cone Mafia, the chief threat to Gordy's business. When Quinton orders a hit on Gordy, it triggers an all-out war. Gordy enlists the help of his lover (a living ice cream sandwich), and a sentient bag of frosting called the Buttercream Bandit, who uses her Jawbreaker tumors as deadly weapons.

In his quest for absolute control of the neighborhood, Gordy must fight off cotton candy slush demons, Sno-Cone henchmen, an overzealous neighborhood watch, and his own brother. Amid icy combat, the brothers must decide which is more important-business or family. But in the end, only one treat lord will reign supreme.