If I ever write a memoir, the title will be Disaster.

Seriously, just how many girls can say they've had not just one mom but TWO ditch them in twelve short years? Or that they've suffered through the humiliation of bra shopping-WITH THEIR DAD! Or that their entire middle school thinks they're a complete and total nerd just because the girl happens to know a couple of important fart facts. (Did you know the average person produces 500 to 1,500 milliliters of gas per day and farts between 10 and 20 times?)

With all that's going wrong, I don't know which way is up anymore, and I'm not quite sure where I belong or even what the whole idea of family means. But what I do know is the view from where I'm standing isn't all that great.

I share all of these feelings and more in the pages of my diary, dedicated to "M"-my birth mother.