as President Thomas Jefferson wrote his own version of the Holy Bible, so there appears to be a new version of the Bible that's in accord with the ideology of Donald Trump.

That's not to say that Donald Trump wrote the Trump Bible. Who wrote the Trump Bible, then? This book is shrouded in mystery. There is no evidence that Donald Trump wrote the Trump Bible, but then, religion is about faith, not evidence. The manuscript for the Trump Bible was found wrapped in plain brown paper on the sidewalk outside Trump Tower in Manhattan by Peregrin Wood of Irregular Times. He is publishing the book, but does not claim authorship. For legal clarity, we are stating clearly that Donald Trump did not write the Trump Bible, although parts of it seem to be written using his voice, as divine inspiration, perhaps. There are heretics out there who will assert their own beliefs about who wrote the Trump Bible, though. Maybe God Himself wrote it, as a new new testament, inspired by Donald Trump's example. Why not?

Are we supposed to take the Trump Bible seriously? Well, are we supposed to take Donald Trump seriously? What's the line between satire and fawning imitation? In these days of alternative facts and fake news, you'll have to decide for yourself. Maybe this book is comedy. Maybe it's tragedy. Certainly it's a postmodern self-referential hippie fest of moral relativity, satirizing satire itself.

How can my church join the movement to ban the Trump Bible? Please go to IrregularTimes.com, where you can sign up for the campaign to censor the Trump Bible as a piece of illegal blasphemy. After all, if we can't ban books in the Christian nation of the USA, where can we ban books?

How dare you blaspheme our lord and savior? We're not sure if this question refers to Donald Trump or Jesus Christ. But to answer your question - how do we do it - we use a keyboard and the sacred power of the Internet.

The Trump Bible may be thought of as an allegorical confrontation of an uncomfortable fact: The majority of Trump voters in 2016 were Christian, and the overwhelming majority of Christian voters in the USA voted for Donald Trump. So, Trumpism and Christianity appear to be blending into something new, a strange, aggressive theocratic chimera the likes of which Americans have never seen before.

Straight commentary can only get us so far in an attempt to understand this development. As American Christians appear to be questioning the basic tenets of their religion, a new Bible that reflects their views, and the unique character of Donald Trump as the leader of not only the Republican Party, but also of American Christianity, could move the discussion forward into a more positive... Oh, who are we kidding? Probably, the Trump Bible is only going to add to the polarization at the heart of American culture. C'est la guerre!

Onward Christian soldiers, marching off to war!