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The family doctor diagnosed me with pica, dooming me to years of intensive therapy and extensive dentistry work. It wouldn't be until much later that I would understand the all-consuming, insatiable craving that spurred me to eat a variety of rocks and minerals wasn't a mental disorder, but an innate gift that allows me to extract the magic contained inside them: tourmaline for speed, celestite for strength, augite for a powerful laxative effect (that I had to discover the hard way).

Twenty years later, I've hidden my abilities beneath a white lab coat, working as a small-town pharmacist who creates proprietary "naturopathic" tonics that treat everything from memory loss to erectile dysfunction. Those tonics, in turn, fund my expensive lifestyle of solo flying around the world to search for more rocks. What more could an airplane-loving, mineral-munching, magical alchemist want?

Unfortunately, my arch nemesis, Heath Spencer, has recently taken it upon himself to single-handedly ruin my life. No longer content with annoying me from afar with his overpriced, tacky rock shop, Heath has decided to further antagonize me by dangling the opportunity of a lifetime right in front of my face: traveling to an ancient copper mine in China, which is home to some of the rarest and most stunning minerals on Earth.

It's not until after I'm trapped halfway across the world with my least favorite person on the planet that I'm forced to come face-to-face with three terrible realizations: everything I thought I knew about Heath Spencer is wrong, not all minerals are meant to be ingested, and - worst of all - I'm not the only one who's been keeping secrets.