groomer look like? Why is it so expensive to get your dog's haircut? Does the groomer know she has makeup running down her face? Wait, is that makeup, or is that something that came out the backside of the dog? Is she just going to leave it there while she drinks her coffee? What is the most common dog name? What is the name heard around the store through the loudspeaker that no one will ever forget? What happens if a dog tries to bite? Do I have to have an appointment? Does my groomer actually care about my dog?

I'm your dog groomer. I have to stand on top of the table to work on big dogs. I have to carry your new puppy like a human baby and rock him back and forth to work on his paws and nails. My workday does not just include bathing and haircutting your precious pup. I wish it did.

I get pooped on, peed on, and all manner of bodily fluids have been on my person, yet I still prefer to work with animals over people. And yes, I really do care about your dog.